TAAAP has defined all the words and terms below in as comprehensive a way as possible. However, because language, particularly in aro and ace communities, is always evolving, different people will have different definitions and understandings of these terms. We do not deny the validity of other definitions, but these are the most general understanding of these words to our knowledge.
Orientation Terms
Asexual describes people who experience little to no sexual attraction. They may or may not experience other types of attraction. Asexuality does not imply anything about romantic orientation, and it does not have to be paired with a romantic orientation. Ace is a shorthand for asexual that is also commonly used as an umbrella term for people on the asexual spectrum.
Aromantic describes people who experience little to no romantic attraction. They may or may not experience other types of attraction. Aromanticism does not imply anything about sexual orientation, and it does not have to be paired with a sexual orientation. Aro is a shorthand for aromantic that is also commonly used as an umbrella term for people on the aromantic spectrum.
Allosexual (allo) describes people who are not on the asexual spectrum. They can have any romantic orientation, including aromantic.
Alloromantic (alloro) describes people who are not on the aromantic spectrum. They can have any sexual orientation, including asexual.
Alloro allo, or just allo, can be shorthand for people who are not on the asexual or aromantic spectra.
Aspec is often used as an umbrella term for anyone who identifies as part of the asexual and/or aromantic spectra.
Microlabels
A microlabel is a more specific label under a broader identity label. Below, we’ll list some of the more commonly used microlabels within the aro and ace communities. We describe all of the identities below as they apply to sexual and romantic attraction, but they can apply to other kinds of attraction as well.
Gray- (sexual/romantic) describes people who experience attraction only rarely, weakly, under limited circumstances, or in another way that significantly differs from allo(ro)s. This is sometimes used as an umbrella term for people who are on the aspec but do not fall at the far end of the aromantic or asexual spectra – in other words, they fall into the grey area between either end of the spectrum – but it is also an orientation label in itself.
Demi- (sexual/romantic) describes people who do not experience attraction unless a strong emotional bond has been formed first. The emotional connection is necessary, but does not guarantee attraction.
Quoi- and wtf- (sexual/romantic) are different prefixes used to describe people who cannot clearly distinguish between romantic or sexual attraction and platonic attraction or bonds. They may mistake one for the other or not differentiate them at all. These labels also can be used to signify that someone does not find it useful to identify or differentiate attractions. Neurodivergent people who experience this specifically due to their neurodivergence may use the prefix nebula- (sexual/romantic).
Platoni- (sexual/romantic) describes people who cannot distinguish between sexual/romantic and platonic attraction.
Lith-, apro-, and akoi- (sexual/romantic) are prefixes used to describe people who may experience attraction and may like the idea of being in a (sexual/romantic) relationship in theory but stop experiencing the attraction if it is reciprocated or if they enter an actual relationship, and they may be uncomfortable with the thought of that happening.
Recipro- (sexual/romantic) describes people who only experience attraction to a person when/after they know that person is attracted to them. This is sometimes thought of as the opposite of lith(ro).
Fray- (sexual/romantic) describes people who only experience attraction to people they are less familiar with. They may lose the attraction entirely upon getting to know the other person. This is sometimes thought of as the opposite of demi(ro).
Aego- and autochoris- (sexual/romantic) are two prefixes both used to describe people who may have fantasies and enjoy the idea of sexual or romantic activities, but they do not wish to be a participant themselves. They feel a disconnect between themselves and the concept of attraction or relationships, and they may only enjoy the hypothetical concept when it’s a situation they couldn’t possibly be in (for example, they may enjoy porn or romance novels, but possess no desire to participate in the activities depicted).
Cupio- (sexual/romantic) describes people who do not experience (sexual/romantic) attraction but still desire to be in (sexual/romantic) relationships.
(Ace/Aro) -flux describes people who fluctuate along the spectrum, between asexual and allosexual or aromantic and alloromantic. Some people who are aceflux or aroflux will always stay within the asexual or aromantic spectrum, while others may occasionally align more with allo(ro)s.
Attraction Terms
Most forms of attraction are very subjective, and can be easily confused for each other. These are just some general definitions – they may vary from person to person.
Sexual attraction is the pull towards a specific person for intimate physical or sexual contact with someone. It is a feeling that is directed at specific people whereas sex drive/libido is the physical urge for sexual gratification, which can happen even in the absence of a specific person who is found to be attractive. Experiencing sexual attraction may be called lust.
People can be sex-favorable, sex-neutral, sex-averse, or sex-repulsed independent of their sexual orientation.
Romantic attraction is an emotional form of attraction that is often separate from other emotional attractions. Romantic attraction can result in a pull towards a specific person, specifically for a romantic relationship. This relationship may contain elements of other types of relationships, but romantic attraction is different from sexual, platonic, etc. It is possible to feel a desire for relationships (romance drive) even in the absence of a specific person one would like a relationship with. Experiencing romantic attraction may be called having a crush. People can be romance-favorable, romance-neutral, romance-averse, or romance-repulsed independent of their romantic orientation.
Platonic attraction is the desire to form a type of non-romantic emotional relationship with a specific person, usually in the form of a friendship. Experiencing platonic attraction may be called having a squish, or a “friend-crush.” Outside of aspec communities, platonic usually means non-sexual, but not necessarily non-romantic. Inside aspec communities, platonic refers to non-romantic, but not necessarily non-sexual.
Alterous attraction is a newer term and thus does not have solid definition, and while there are many arguable points about what alterous is, it is generally agreed that it is a desire for some form of emotional closeness with a specific person that cannot solely be described as romantic nor platonic.
Aesthetic attraction is the feeling that something pleases the senses. It is usually visual but can also be auditory, olfactory, or relate to any of the other senses.
Sensual attraction is a desire to be physically, non-sexually, close to someone specific, through actions such as hugging, cuddling, or holding hands.
The split attraction model (SAM) refers to the concept of distinguishing between (“splitting”) romantic and sexual orientations, and/or other orientations. Aces can have any romantic orientation and aros can have any sexual orientation. When people do not experience their attractions in conjunction and/or in alignment with each other, the SAM helps them explain their experiences, desires, and patterns of attraction. However, not everyone will find it a useful tool. For instance, some aromantic people don’t use the SAM because their aro identity alone best describes them. This could be for a variety of reasons, including but not limited to:
- They may not have or identify with a sexual orientation,
- Their sexual orientation may not be important to them,
- They may want to prioritize their aromanticism,
- They may not want or know how to define their sexual orientation, and/or
- They may not distinguish clearly between different forms of attraction.
Similarly, some asexual people do not have a romantic orientation label for themselves. People can identify as just ace or just aro without defining or referencing other orientations, and people of any orientation can identify entirely with a romantic or sexual orientation without defining other aspects of attraction.
Gender Terms
The gender binary is the organization of gender into two supposedly different, distinct, and opposite types: male/man/masculine and female/woman/feminine. It is created by sociocultural systems and beliefs, and it assumes that gender-congruent masculinity and femininity are the “default” or “norm” while anything outside those two categories is wrong or strange.
Gender identity is a personal sense of one’s own gender, or a lack thereof.
Gender performance or presentation is how one chooses to express their gender and/or be perceived as masculine, feminine, androgynous, or none of the above. Gender performance may or may not be connected to one’s gender identity, and may be shown through clothing, makeup, hairstyle, body art, jewelry, accessories, speech, inflection, and attitude.
Cisgender (cis) describes people who identify as the gender they were assigned at birth.
Transgender (trans) describes people who do not identify as the gender they were assigned at birth. Some trans people will get surgery or hormone therapy to change their physical appearance and body characteristics; some will not.
AMAB stands for assigned male at birth.
AFAB stands for assigned female at birth.
Non-binary/nonbinary (enby or nb) and genderqueer are both umbrella terms for people who do not identify solely or completely as one of the binary genders of male and female, as well as identity labels in themselves. Some non-binary and genderqueer people are trans; some are not. Non-binary people may partially be the gender they were assigned at birth, or not at all. Non-binary people may be multiple genders, a single gender, or genderless. Many will use different pronouns than she/her/hers or he/him/his, such as they/them/theirs, fae/faer/faers, or ze/zem/zers; others will use any pronouns or no pronouns.
Agender is a specific identity for people who do not have any gender at all and/or feel genderless. Some agender people are non-binary or genderqueer; others are not.
Genderfluid is a specific identity that describes people whose gender identity may shift or who may identify with different genders at different times. Genderfluid generally concerns changing/flowing from one or more genders to one or more different genders, or perhaps from gender to genderless.
Demigender is an identity that describes people who do not feel a full or complete connection to a gender but feel some amount or a partial connection to that gender. Many people identify the gender in question by adding the gender label after demi, such as demigirl, demiboy, or demigenderfluid.
Genderflux is an umbrella term for people who feel different levels of connection to a gender at different points, or whose perception of their gender may wax or wane over time. For example, they may feel no connection to a gender, and identify at that point as agender, then feel a partial connection to a gender and identify as demigender, then feel a full connection to that gender and identify as that gender fully. Those who never feel a complete connection to any gender, or who always feel a connection to being genderless, may identify more specifically as agenderflux.
Intersex describes people born with any one of a number of different conditions that lead to various differences in sex characteristics, including chromosones, genitalia, secondary sex characteristics, and hormones, that do not fit “typical” male or female bodies. Some conditions under the intersex umbrella include congenital adrenal hyperplasia and androgen insensitivity syndrome. Some intersex people may be transgender or non-binary; some may not.
Perisex or dyadic describes people who are not intersex.
Cisnormativity is the assumption that everyone is cisgender, or identifies as the gender they were assigned at birth. It involves base assumptions of gender roles, stereotypes, expectations, and norms, and people are judged by the perception of their conformity (or lack thereof) – for example, an AMAB person may be judged based on how masculine their gender presentation appears.
Gender dysphoria is a feeling of pain, discomfort, disappointment, unhappiness, or “wrongness” that people may experience in relation to their physical body, body image, presentation, or characteristics not matching their sense of gender or internal identity. It is generally felt by transgender and non-binary people, but not all transgender or non-binary people feel gender dysphoria, and it is certainly not a prerequisite for the identity. When gender dysphoria is experienced around social perceptions and interactions (e.g. being stereotyped based on their incorrectly perceived or attributed gender rather than physical appearance), this may be referred to as social dysphoria.
Gender euphoria is a feeling of comfort, excitement, joy, or “rightness” that people may have when their body image, presentation, or characteristics match their perception of their gender and internal identity. It is/may be felt by transgender or non-binary people when they are correctly gendered by others (e.g. referred to by their correct pronouns), or after gender-reaffirming surgery or hormone therapy. It can also be felt for other reasons, such as simply realizing that there is an identity and community that encapsulates one’s feelings about their gender.
Relationship Terms
Heteronormativity refers to the assumption, belief, and expectation that people are attracted to people of the “opposite” binary gender and that this attraction is the “default” or “norm.” It is predicated on the belief in the gender binary and involves the base assumption that people are cisgender and perisex. People who are (both) heterosexual/romantic experience straight privilege, and their relationships are institutionally upheld. However, heterosexuality when combined with aromanticism is non-normative due to intersection, as is heteromanticism when combined with asexuality. Straight aros and aces therefore do not experience the same privilege – their access to straight privilege is contingent on the denial and erasure of their aspec identity.
Many aces enter romantic relationships, which are often very similar to the romantic relationships that alloro allos form. Romantic relationships don’t inherently include sex, even though many allos may assume that romantic relationships are always sexual (or will eventually become sexual). This assumption can make it difficult for aces to navigate romantic relationships. People on the aromantic spectrum who experience romantic attraction in some way, or who desire to do so for other reasons, may enter into romantic relationships, and romance-favourable aros may enter romantic relationships to fulfill other needs (such as companionship, physical affection, or commitment that goes beyond traditional expectations of friendship).
Soft romo describes a low level of romance. For example, this could be used in reference to avoiding certain romance-coded activities that trigger a person’s romance repulsion, or structuring relationship boundaries around an arospec identity (e.g. aroflux).
Amatonormativity is a term coined by Elizabeth Brake that refers to the disproportionate focus on and prioritisation of a singular romantic relationships above all else and the widespread assumption that finding romantic love is a universally shared goal. Amatonormativity describes the systemic way in which these sociocultural ideas and norms are upheld – this includes the formal institution of marriage and the thousands of legal benefits it confers.
“This consists in the assumptions that a central, exclusive, amorous relationship is normal for humans, in that it is a universally shared goal, and that such a relationship is normative, in that it should be aimed at in preference to other relationship types.”
Elizabeth Brake, Minimizing Marriage (OUP, 2012), Chapter 4.iii
In our society, romance is treated as intrinsically better and more valuable than other forms of interpersonal bonds. People assume that everyone is better off in a committed monogamous romantic relationship, and therefore everyone wants to be in such a relationship. Everyone is expected to partner, marry, raise children, and live as an isolated nuclear family unit. The belief that these types of relationships have special value leads to the overlooking of other important interpersonal relationships and the erosion of community. This is why many aros fear losing their social groups and support networks when their alloro friends enter romantic relationships.
Amatonormativity is intrinsically linked with sex shaming because it pushes monogamous romantic commitment. It fosters the notion that romantic love is so extremely special that it is naturally scarce, and that is only special because and while it’s scarce. The same artificially engineered concept of scarcity is applied to sex. However, neither romantic love nor sex are “devalued” in any way by having more of them. Amatonormativity is, of course, especially damaging to aromantics, particularly aromantic allosexuals, and polyamourous people, but it harms everyone by promoting unhealthy relationship values.
The popular idea of people having “the one” they’re “meant to be” with, or a “soulmate,” discounts the effort that one must choose to put into a relationship to make it work, and it displaces the notion of personal accountability. When a relationship doesn’t work out, people may write it off as not being real because it wasn’t “the one” they were “meant to be” with, or they may stay in a bad relationship because they think they can only find love once and it’s worth any sacrifice because of how all-important romance is. Society supports the notion that romance automatically makes one’s life better and that one couldn’t live a fulfilling life without it, causing some to go to great lengths to obtain and sustain a romantic relationship.
Aromantics are certainly told these things. They are told that they’ll change their minds; that committed monogamous romance is not only an essential life milestone and the epitome of human experience, but also a biological need, and an inevitable eventuality. But romance is not all-important, biologically necessary, nor inevitable, nor is it a solution to anything, especially when the people in a relationship expect or rely on it to be.
Relationship anarchy is the ideology and practice of deconstructing amatonormative relationship hierarchies, expected roles, and traditional concepts. Those who identify with RA believe that each dynamic should be discussed, and type/structure/boundaries determined, solely by the specific parties involved. Relationship anarchists avoid applying assumptions, pressure, and/or expectations to their dynamics with others. Many relationship anarchists prefer to allow each dynamic to develop naturally, free of societal constraints, and, if they use labels, use the labels to describe the resulting dynamic, rather than preemptively applying a label to a new dynamic.
Polyamory is a the belief, mindset, state, or practice of maintaining (or being open to/wanting to maintain) more than one relationship simultaneously, given that all people involved have complete knowledge of the arrangement and consent. These relationships can be sexual, romantic, alterous, and/or platonic in nature, and the nature of one relationship does not have to impact the nature of another.
Some labels a person open to or practicing polyamory might use for themself include Polyamorous, Ethically Non-Monogamous, and In an Open Relationship. The latter two terms may be defined differently by different people, and do not always fall under polyamory. Kitchen Table Polyamory (open communication between all partners and metamours) and Parallel Polyamory (no communication between metamours) are two potential ways to structure polyamorous relationships, but they are not the only options. We recommend referencing More Than Two’s Glossary for additional terms and definitions: https://www.morethantwo.com/polyglossary.html
Polyaffectionate relationships are a network of relationships with multiple people that are not necessarily romantic or sexual, though they may contain elements of either or both. The term is usually used in aspec communities, particularly by those who would not describe their relationships as “amorous.”
Queerplatonic or quasiplatonic partnerships/relationships (QPPs or QPRs) describe relationships that don’t fit into the categories of what is traditionally considered to be a friendship or a romantic relationship. Aros may desire some form of nonromantic committed partnership in order to fulfill other emotional or physical needs/desires. As referenced under amatonormativity, society’s prioritisation of romantic relationships above all over dynamics lead many aros to worry, often for good reason, that they will lose their social groups and support networks when their alloro friends enter new committed relationships. This is one reason some aros seek to enter into committed partnerships. A QPP/QPR is defined by the people in it and as such each QPP/QPR may look different. They may or may not be sexual, and they may or may not involve living together, raising children, sharing finances and life decisions, etc.